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learn to play the strumpet
quick and easy lessons
November 2009
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To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog plagueofparadox], from anywhere else use http://personals.pitch.com/blog/plagueofparadox, and to read it remotely use the feed.

Blog Posts

Rams suffer "feel good" loss Nov 15, 2009 1:21 pm
438 Views
The Rams nearly pulled off a miracle victory against the Saints today, but fell just short. How short? Just one "tricky trick" short. Lack of confidence on the part of the Rams equaled fear as they hesitated reaching into the "tricky trick" bag.

The team will be watching the scoreboard today in hopes that the Arizona Cardinals lose, and gain no ground on the burgeoning Ram team.

This is your always hopeful, slightly delusional Ram reporter, plagueofparadox, reminding you that next week will bring with it a fresh victory for the Rams, fueled by new tricky tricks not yet tried.
1 comment
rams set to stun unwary Saints in St. Louis Nov 15, 2009 9:01 am
411 Views
The Saints have no idea how much time the Rams have spent in front of chalk boards and on the practice field perfecting their little "tricky trick" plays in anticipation of a game today whose outcome will shock fans, experts, and of course, the Saints themselves!

Sources I spoke with, whom I promised anonymity, revealed that former Rams Roman Gabriel and Jack Snow visited the Rams players and coaching staff and gave gave moving and inspirational pep talks. Apparently many of the Rams players had tears in their eyes as they listened to legendary football tales told by the veterans.

Your plagueofparadox "scorecast" sees the Rams pulling out an amazing victory with seconds left by virtue of a Josh Brown 35-yard field goal. As stated in a previous post, the dreadlocked Steven Jackson will rush for over 200, and quarterback Marc Bulger will throw for over 400 as the Rams go on the fast track for a divisional championship and their second Super Bowl victory.

Rams 35, Saints 33- final score.
0 Comments
why can't i smell like a flower? Nov 14, 2009 12:20 pm
552 Views
I've worked in muddy trenches building forms for concrete. I've had big steel I-beams swung over my head and i wasn't afraid.. I've had jobs cleaning toilets and people would run from fouled commodes screaming; and I would charge in with a brush and cleanser and shine everything anew.. I've worked in horse barns shoveling horse shit and loved the fragrant stalls and felt so happy making clean bedding for happy horses.. I swing a sledge hammer like a maniac. I love to carry heavy stuff cus i like the feel of weight and blood pumping in my muscles. I haul fallen timber or rake leaves like an ancient, delighted bum.. I dig deep holes for fence posts, laboring thru resistant clay; hammer up sections of fencing like a frontiersman.. I climb high ladders and high roofs where others won't go: They cry, "don't worry, Plague will do it." I get high being up high, on the precipice of death.. All this and-

I purchased Mitchum women's anti-perspirant the other day. I like the way it smells under my arms. Like scented oil. So fresh. I am not afraid to smell this way. Anyway, why can't I smell like a flower?
12 Comments
tonight's film presentation: Reform School Girls Nov 13, 2009 10:08 pm
589 Views
For this genre- really well done. It had been so many years since I had seen it. Really enjoyed the singing talent of Wendy O. Williams. She was a gas.

Once in a while it's really good to watch a trashy film. Or to get half drunk (once a year is enough for me). Or to have a big dinner and desert (as often as possible- I can't resist!).

Tomorrow night is "Giant" with James Dean. We will see. Looking forward to it. Maybe I'll order a pizza.
1 comment
It takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry Nov 13, 2009 4:56 pm
600 Views
I take an Anatomy&Physiology class at a community college in NJ. A classmate next to me had commented early on that "the professor was very funny." After two months of class thus far I just noticed today that all my classmates have been laughing at the professor. I have never cracked a smile in class and today felt a little self-conscious as all were laughing at the funny professor as I started to wonder "what was so funny?"

The last time I laughed uncontrollably was back in the early 90's when I watched "Spinal Tap" on video for the first time- I think it was a scene where some columns fell over on stage- I can't remember. But I laughed so hard I nearly choked.

There are one or two comics who make me laugh. To me, Chris Rock is not funny. Any comic who has an arsenal full of "shits" and "fucks" is never funny. I have laughed heartily at Emo Phillips and Steven Wright. Back in the early SNL days, I would never laugh at John Belushi, but would crack up watching the brilliant Dan Akroyd. I haven't watched SNL once in the past 25 years.

I will laugh watching the Honeymooners, Dragnet, Adam 12, Gomer Pyle, and the Addams Family. A witch I knew said, "You're an old soul, Plague."

While I think laughing is good, I can probably live without it. But I do like making others laugh- maybe it's a control issue? Maybe I view my laughter as a "loss of control."

I had heard a commentator say that the "happiness" scene was mostly an American thing. Most other places in the world people walk about their days with grim countenances and don't think about being "happy". As much as I'm in no position to travel, I wouldn't mind taking a trip to a place where laughter is sparse, where the "smiley face" does not reign. Where is this place- other than my heart?
4 Comments
was i overly harsh? Nov 12, 2009 4:15 pm
723 Views
I don't know if it's just coincidence- I don't think so- but blogger Spamelot is no longer here. In my attempt to "flush out some truth-" as it relates to this blog site- I may have inadvertently hurt someone's feelings, and I didn't really want to do that.. For whatever reason, I did not hold back in expressing my annoyance with the "spam" posts, cus I did find them annoying, and frankly, not funny. However, some here did find said posts to be funny, and maybe they will now think that I "drove him away" with my criticism.. As a Libertarian, I'd be the last to discourage someone to say anything, even if I didn't agree with or like what they had to say..

While I don't know for sure why "spamelot" is no longer here (maybe he was violating copyright laws by using the Spam name?), I'm going to make some effort to stay out of the realm of "negative criticism" and just "mind my own business" going forward. I can't seem to find a working balance between isolation and engagement.
7 Comments
my conspiracy theory Nov 11, 2009 5:23 pm
872 Views
In order to generate interest (subscriptions/ more money) and make a transition from Fast Cupid to a racier, sexier "Faster" Cupid, this blog site is now being inundated with "members," who are in fact Fast Cupid employees whose job it is to make more of a "party" of this site.. Have you noticed that many of the recent posters do not have large portions of their profile filled out, like: "why you should get to know me?" Thru the portal I go thru, if this section is not filled out, you can't even post your profile.. And the "hide erotic photo, show erotic photo;" this will likely be a new feature as the site is "sexed up" along the lines of an "Adult Friend Finder." As I have no fear of pointing fingers, it's my contention that the likes of "Cowgirl Rosie" and "Spamelot (headless profile pics) are in fact employees of Fast Cupid.. If you think my theory is silly, you can let me know.
15 Comments
Steven Tyler falls off wagon? Nov 7, 2009 8:56 pm
1082 Views
This I heard, listening to the news on radio. That the Aerosmith singer is having some type of "problem" again and that the band has broken up cus they can't have one of their members having "problems."

I'm not an Aerosmith fan, but when they were all "zonked out" on substances, they seemed to make pretty good music. Then they got all cleaned up, probably had personal trainers and the like, and what's the result? Well, how about "Dude Looks Like a Lady?"

If Tyler has "fallen off the wagon," perhaps he will have another go at being a renaissance man. As a cleaned up, buffed rock dude, I think he was a door nail as an artist.. To all you long-haired rock fucks out there: Better that you're dirty, so you can rock on, MAN!
3 Comments
a rolling rusted blue bucket of sunbeam Nov 6, 2009 2:26 pm
1142 Views
It's a 1987 Dodge RamWagon Van. Rusty patches all over that draw the pointed fingers and laughter of schoolchildren in buses. No matter, we roll on.

Down Route 130 we go, this machine has 11 windows bringing all the light and warmth of the sun. The sofas inside have happy smiling cats. 50 total. Most are alive, others are ghost cats passed on. I turn to them and ask,"have you ever heard of Al Gore?" They just keep smiling and bask in the warmth of solar energy and itinerary.

On we go. We mortals will have one more snack before takeoff. I pull over to a scenic overlook and everyone meows- they know. I have a big bucket full of canned food and paper plates. Everyone goes wild with the sound of pop tops popping and fragrant food being scooped out. I put out about 20 plates then set about feeding myself. I eat straight from a spaghetti can and drink pineapple soda pop. The food is wonderful and the radio plays. Everyone is filled with a melancholy joy.

We pull back to the road and the hammer is depressed steadily down as we speed toward ascent. The clearing in the sky I had hoped for appears. Around a blue void a white ring of clouds and Heaven beckons. I slowly pull back the lever and the nose is up and we become airborne. We're all excited, and purr, meow, yowl, laugh, and cry as the Earth below fades to a memory of vague joy, preponderant sadness. That's behind us now and so good to see the haunt of dreams as we hurl into the beautiful space.

There's a giant white chair in a billowy cloud space. A chair-side table is set with a radio for soft music and nostalgia. The rooftop hatch opens and me and the cats seem to float into place, into that comfortable chair that we dreamed about. The RamWagon falls off back into the fire of atmosphere back there and I'm so grateful for the way it served me, delivered me, brought all of us to this place of rest, sleep, and dreams.

I lie back comfortably into the chair. My eyes are closed and tearful. I sob with relief. We have made it. The cats nestle close; even the ghost cats are now palpable- and they joyfully lick the tears from my face. We will lay softly now. The sun is a warm blanket shroud. And we are forever blessed.
3 Comments
the resurgent St. Louis Rams Nov 3, 2009 12:34 pm
1165 Views
The Rams beat a highly underrated and resilient Lions team this past Sunday. They used a "neat little trick" (the Rams are getting tricky!) by way of a fake field goal and touchdown pass, and put all future opponents on notice that the Rams will reach into their "magic bag" to pull out victories.

As the Rams have this coming week off, they will be busy eating energy snacks, watching football movies, and practicing various fundamentals of the game as they continue to hone their skills.

In their return to action the following week against the New Orleans Saints, I forsee an array of techniques and "tricky tricks" employed by the Rams as I expect they will stun the Saints, and in the process, show other teams and football fans alike, that the Rams are back! I expect RB Steve Jackson will derive "super powers" from his dreadlocks as he rushes for over 200 yards and makes 2 TD catches. Quarterback Marc Bulger will have a "career" game with as many as 5 touchdown passes and over 400 yards passing.

In subsequent weeks the Rams will roll over inferior opponents, concurrent with some spotty performances by the Arizona Cardinals, which will make way for the Rams winning their division. By regular season's end, the Rams machine should be so finely tuned that is is unlikely that anyone will stand in their way as they surge forward toward their 2nd Super Bowl appearance and victory.

Be sure to stay abreast of all news Ram-related by logging onto the PlagueofParadox football blog. Your number one source for football fantasies.
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To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog plagueofparadox], from anywhere else use http://personals.pitch.com/blog/plagueofparadox, and to read it remotely use the feed.